One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
