I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
