How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
