you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
