So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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