I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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