Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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