I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize