I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
