I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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