Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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