Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize