Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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