If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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