hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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