I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
