why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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