I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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