420 ftw
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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