i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
