You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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