So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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