Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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