At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
