Midget sex pt 2 tonight
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
