I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
