his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i came on her dog
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
