Soap is not a condiment
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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