he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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