can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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