I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
