ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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