Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
