I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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