After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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