I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
