Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
