member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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