i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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