I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
