i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
