I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
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Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
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Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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