The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
