what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
