I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
