Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
