You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
