He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
