11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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