I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
