ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
