I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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