he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
