As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
