I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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