Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
