piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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