if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
