dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
