i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
