They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
