and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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