You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
