after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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