Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if only i could text you this smell
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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