He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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